Searching through more modern poets and I have found this gem. It certainly is very modern stuff and that is truly wonderful. Emanuel Xavier writes about many current problems in the world. I will only note that he is a gay poet because that is a key theme and perspective in his poetry and so needs to be read correctly; do not force a heterosexual reading that doesn't exist.
In some ways this makes me wish more heterosexuals would write about homosexuality as he does, although of course they could only write with sympathy rather than empathy, but it would still be a step forward. Maybe soon I will look into straights writing about gays.
This poem is the most PG but I do encourage anyone interested to look at 'A Simple Poem' and 'Walking with angels', which are slightly less for-all-ages but have such strong messages, aided by their strong wording I suppose.
The chosen poem still has strong themes, of abuse juxtaposed with forgiveness. It really touches your heart and fills you with sympathy.
He forgets that he used to call me mariconcito-
that I harbored years of hatred toward him
while hoping to find my real father. My
childhood memories of him reminding me
I was my mother's son, not his. I tried
to poison him once and scattered sharp nails
inside the shoes in his closet. By the time one
of his sons died of AIDS I was already lost
in contempt for the man I blamed for everything.
There was the time I was in love and he met my
boyfriend. Now he forgets to go to the bathroom
or where he is but he still remembers Michael
and asks about him. I help him walk slowly
outdoors to step outside the prison cell that is
the tiny apartment with no windows in which
I grew up abused by both of them. He barely
understands. His fate has been torture. I know
that I cannot be his savior. I used to pray for
him to die but here he is slowly fading. In his
eyes I see that he learned to love me and wishes
he could take it all back. He is unable to recall
those drunken nights and hateful words. I should
do the same. I left a long time ago but he still
remains haunted by the little boy who wanted
to belong. Like him, I want to forget that we
made mistakes and caused so much pain. I need
for both of us to remember how he taught me
how to ride a bike and how to swim and told
me, better late than never, that he loved me and
was proud of all I had done. I have to help him
settle into his favorite chair and let him know that
I forgive him. There is a place somewhere where
he will call me hijo and I will know him as my dad.
Where to start on this one? Each sentence comes as yet another shock, however understandable. The first line uses the very pejorative term 'mariconcito', equating to 'faggot' in English I think. Mr Xavier uses Spanish both to recall the memory as it literally was, i.e. not in translation, but also to create an intrigue in the ignorant reader. As this particular reader continues, they begin to theorise what the word could mean; I myself came to a similar conclusion, thus was filled with growing disgust and dread as the first stanza continued, with the climax of the boyfriend nearly confirming my thoughts.
This term is resolved by the one in the last line, of course; 'hijo' equates to something like 'little son', a far more endearing term. However this resolution is not yet complete as it appears in the future with 'will'. It is hopeful and promising but not yet achieved, making the final tone of the poem still unfulfilling, just as their whole relationship has been. By using the adverb 'somewhere' the 'place' is made even more distant and fantastical, highlighting the fact that this stage of their relationship will never be reached but will always be a goal (which is why the metaphor of place is used).
Mr Xavier focuses a lot on the stigma around 'AIDS' and so here the reference is all the more shocking as not even that can cause pity in the narrator. It is mentioned to create a grudging pity in the reader, as we have been previously persuaded to hate the man as the narrator does.
I find the reference to his 'boyfriend' sinister because the result of the meeting is not given. All we know is that 'he met' him. When we combine this with the insult in line one we are led to assume that the outcome was so horrific that we cannot be told. Mr Xavier wants us to imagine a horrific outcome, therefore, in order to highlight the dangers of homophobia.
This poem is also about change. The step father in question changes. The cause for his change is not given, other than that he is forgetting many of the bad things. This implies a mental deterioration, as well as a physical one (the piteous note about the 'bathroom'). I think that the narrator wrestles with the idea of forgiveness for so long because the question is whether or not his step father would have changed his opinions of his own accord. The important thing is not that he has changed but how.
This reading has forced me to re-read the line, 'His fate has been torture'. Originally I saw this at face value to mean that the step father has been physically pained by his illness, or even to read more like 'his punishment has been to be tortured'. But now I take it to show something more about the narrator. The fate of the step father has tortured the step son because he can never know if they would have found reconciliation on their own and he feels he must forgive the suffering man whether he deserves it or not. So by not giving an indirect object Mr Xavier can imply more meanings to the phrase.
By now I have realised that what this poem is trying to do is show how unfair life can be. The sufferer can escape primary suffering but can never be fully healed, and the one who causes the suffering will suffer too, which eventually is not what the original sufferer wants, even though they might think it at the time. Their empathy for suffering outweighs their original hatred because they do not want anyone else to go through what they themselves had to.
I do hope he keeps writing these striking poems, they reveal so much about society and personal relationships as well.
In some ways this makes me wish more heterosexuals would write about homosexuality as he does, although of course they could only write with sympathy rather than empathy, but it would still be a step forward. Maybe soon I will look into straights writing about gays.
This poem is the most PG but I do encourage anyone interested to look at 'A Simple Poem' and 'Walking with angels', which are slightly less for-all-ages but have such strong messages, aided by their strong wording I suppose.
The chosen poem still has strong themes, of abuse juxtaposed with forgiveness. It really touches your heart and fills you with sympathy.
He forgets that he used to call me mariconcito-
that I harbored years of hatred toward him
while hoping to find my real father. My
childhood memories of him reminding me
I was my mother's son, not his. I tried
to poison him once and scattered sharp nails
inside the shoes in his closet. By the time one
of his sons died of AIDS I was already lost
in contempt for the man I blamed for everything.
There was the time I was in love and he met my
boyfriend. Now he forgets to go to the bathroom
or where he is but he still remembers Michael
and asks about him. I help him walk slowly
outdoors to step outside the prison cell that is
the tiny apartment with no windows in which
I grew up abused by both of them. He barely
understands. His fate has been torture. I know
that I cannot be his savior. I used to pray for
him to die but here he is slowly fading. In his
eyes I see that he learned to love me and wishes
he could take it all back. He is unable to recall
those drunken nights and hateful words. I should
do the same. I left a long time ago but he still
remains haunted by the little boy who wanted
to belong. Like him, I want to forget that we
made mistakes and caused so much pain. I need
for both of us to remember how he taught me
how to ride a bike and how to swim and told
me, better late than never, that he loved me and
was proud of all I had done. I have to help him
settle into his favorite chair and let him know that
I forgive him. There is a place somewhere where
he will call me hijo and I will know him as my dad.
Where to start on this one? Each sentence comes as yet another shock, however understandable. The first line uses the very pejorative term 'mariconcito', equating to 'faggot' in English I think. Mr Xavier uses Spanish both to recall the memory as it literally was, i.e. not in translation, but also to create an intrigue in the ignorant reader. As this particular reader continues, they begin to theorise what the word could mean; I myself came to a similar conclusion, thus was filled with growing disgust and dread as the first stanza continued, with the climax of the boyfriend nearly confirming my thoughts.
This term is resolved by the one in the last line, of course; 'hijo' equates to something like 'little son', a far more endearing term. However this resolution is not yet complete as it appears in the future with 'will'. It is hopeful and promising but not yet achieved, making the final tone of the poem still unfulfilling, just as their whole relationship has been. By using the adverb 'somewhere' the 'place' is made even more distant and fantastical, highlighting the fact that this stage of their relationship will never be reached but will always be a goal (which is why the metaphor of place is used).
Mr Xavier focuses a lot on the stigma around 'AIDS' and so here the reference is all the more shocking as not even that can cause pity in the narrator. It is mentioned to create a grudging pity in the reader, as we have been previously persuaded to hate the man as the narrator does.
I find the reference to his 'boyfriend' sinister because the result of the meeting is not given. All we know is that 'he met' him. When we combine this with the insult in line one we are led to assume that the outcome was so horrific that we cannot be told. Mr Xavier wants us to imagine a horrific outcome, therefore, in order to highlight the dangers of homophobia.
This poem is also about change. The step father in question changes. The cause for his change is not given, other than that he is forgetting many of the bad things. This implies a mental deterioration, as well as a physical one (the piteous note about the 'bathroom'). I think that the narrator wrestles with the idea of forgiveness for so long because the question is whether or not his step father would have changed his opinions of his own accord. The important thing is not that he has changed but how.
This reading has forced me to re-read the line, 'His fate has been torture'. Originally I saw this at face value to mean that the step father has been physically pained by his illness, or even to read more like 'his punishment has been to be tortured'. But now I take it to show something more about the narrator. The fate of the step father has tortured the step son because he can never know if they would have found reconciliation on their own and he feels he must forgive the suffering man whether he deserves it or not. So by not giving an indirect object Mr Xavier can imply more meanings to the phrase.
By now I have realised that what this poem is trying to do is show how unfair life can be. The sufferer can escape primary suffering but can never be fully healed, and the one who causes the suffering will suffer too, which eventually is not what the original sufferer wants, even though they might think it at the time. Their empathy for suffering outweighs their original hatred because they do not want anyone else to go through what they themselves had to.
I do hope he keeps writing these striking poems, they reveal so much about society and personal relationships as well.
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